Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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