do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
