The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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