Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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