Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
