i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
