Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
