What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
