Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Randomize
