I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
