Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Randomize
