Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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