How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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