I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
