Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
you traded sex for a burrito?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
