WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
