Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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