Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize