you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
