Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize