I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
