Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
