If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Dick very happy bro
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
