It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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