We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
