May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
