my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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