Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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