I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
