'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
