That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Randomize