We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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