I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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