Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
