I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
