just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
