I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize