well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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