Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
