The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
