You really coming over, don't trick.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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