when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
you never un-have a 4some
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
