Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
