Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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