so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
