when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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