Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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