fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
