I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize