My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
