The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize