i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
