Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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