i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
