I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
