yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Randomize
