just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
