At least make sure they are 18
Why
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
