I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
