He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
