if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
