i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
