Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
