I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Randomize
