Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
