the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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