I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
