I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
