Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
