And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
