I think my fart just growled at me.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
