He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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