I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
