I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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