hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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