no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Randomize
