Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
