She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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