i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
