forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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