Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
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