What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize