You made me cry and you don't even care
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
