im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Randomize
