I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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