woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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