You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
