What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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