It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
