Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
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