i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Oh god it's open bar.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
