BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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