They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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