I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I am one with the molecules
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize