the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
