i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
