Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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