I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
