some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
