escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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