I looked at my own cervix.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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