I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
