I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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