We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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