So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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