Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
