we'll go far in life on tits alone.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
