It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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