I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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