im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
