i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Randomize
